Sunday, October 12, 2008

Space, Dreams, pt. 2, 428 words

Many have attempted to harness the powers of the mind to explore the future. However, success has been limited, to say the least, in this area. The closest that anyone has been able to demonstrate is a sort of short-term unconscious "psychohistory," to borrow a term: analysis of all known data and factors to produce a prediction of how things will go in a given situation. This is not truly seeing the future, but merely exceptional cognition -- good guessing. But still, some seek out the ability to see the future by psychic means. The quest likely will never end.

I think, sometimes, that my visions are of the future. I do not inform others of this, because it means I would be taken back to the operating table immediately, my brain dissected to discover what precise mix of biochemistry allows me to catch such glimpses of the future. While I do not fear such a situation, I do not desire it, either.

My continued existence is of no real import to me, but I tell no one for the same reason I do not commit suicide: just because my continued life does not matter does not mean I am ready to quit it. If I had to define it further, I would say it is a survival instinct that never went away despite the damage dealt my brain during my training. It is the same impulse that keeps a person edging away from a ledge despite the rampant curiosity of what it would be like to jump. Indeed, I experienced as much once in my life before my training, on the top of a skyscraper in Tokyo with friends. I considered, briefly, what it would be to climb over the fence and jump, but some unconscious impulse stayed my hands and feet no matter how much I tried to even take a step towards the edge. It is not fear, it just... is.

Be that as it may, my occasional visions have grown increasingly accurate. I recognized our starship, the SS Terra, upon first viewing. My introduction to the other members of the crew had something of the familiar to it. The training I am going through now is almost already known to me. Sometimes, I could take over a lecture being given us, silently speaking the words a syllable ahead of whoever stands before us, preparing us.

Though my dream-visions aren't entirely about the training I go through now, in preparation for exploring space. Fewer and fewer are, in fact.

Mostly, now, I dream of violence.

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