Saturday, May 29, 2010

Superheroes, Science Jesus, 412 words

Science Jesus is a science-fictional messiah, prophet of the Technocracy of Heaven. He claims to have appeared in a cloning tank, as a donated egg cell miraculously fertilized by no known sperm donor. When he was decanted at full growth, attended by the three wise heads of the operation, the infant blessed the AmnioSynth (tm) fluids in the tank, and the LikeLife brand artificial placenta was claimed as a holy relic by the representatives of a fringe religious order. When he reached his thirtieth year, he was struck by a holy vision that informed him that he was the only cloned son of God, and he went forth to spread the gospel anew.

Or so he claims. Most people think Science Jesus is a crank with a talent for engineering, but he has a dedicated -- if small -- following. He supposedly performs miracles wherever he goes, as well as preaching to any who will hear him. Two recent incidents of note have focused the public eye on him, however. The first was the Sermon on the Wal-Mart, where he got up on the roof of a department store in a small city in the middle of the business day and gave a lengthy exegesis on his transhumanist philosophy, attracting attention from everyone down in the parking lot.

The second event was when Science Jesus went down Wall Street and into the New York Stock Exchange and -- personally -- caused a near-riot. He drove the stock traders from the building, knocking things over and throwing them around in a general ruckus, all while decrying the use of so much technology to enable a "den of thieves," as he called them. Police arrived on the scene in short order, but he eluded capture. Some witnesses claimed he yelled "Not this time!" as he ran.

Science Jesus looks like a 30-something man of Middle-Eastern descent, with long and scraggly black hair, a heavy unkempt beard, and a long white lab coat that hides his emaciated frame. He looks like he hasn't slept in weeks, but moves with a frenetic energy, as if every second spent idle is a sin. Despite his unsavory appearance, people who've met him say that he has a light in his eyes like the burning passion of a true believer, one who's seen the divine and has to spread the word. If he really does perform his miracles by strange super-tech devices, nobody can see the devices on him.

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